Lost in You
by Grimmlice
Summary: Ben finds out the hard way what John Locke really means for him.


I saw him walking from the woods. With long and confident steps he paced through the camp to me. He stopped right before me and a devious smirk came on his scarred face as he dropped that black sack from his back. There was nothing to say or nothing to do, he was one of us now. I was sure Richard, standing behind me, was just as surprised as I was. After all, I never really believed he'd take his own father's life. I guess I was wrong. For the first time in my life I am happy I was wrong.

I sat in my tent, quietly, watching my people praise him outside. I guess they were excited or something. Well, I cannot blame them, the newcomer was supposed to be a promising member of our happy little family. 'There's much irony in that', I thought and let out a slight chuckle. I noticed I was following him, like a predator his prey, watching his every move and every gesture. It was always hard to look him in the eyes, it felt like something poisonous inside me. He was strong, physically and mentally. I know, actually I knew from the first moment I met the man, that I am nothing compared to him. That's why I had to keep doing what I do best, or else he'll take over me.. sooner or later and that I cannot accept. He had to be taken care of. In the end, I always have a plan.

It was that very same evening when he came to me again. 'He must be bored of all the admiration **my** people is giving him', I thought when he came to my tent. How rude was that anyway, couldn't he see I was in the middle of a great discovery. Paul Sheldon was just about to light his manuscript on fire. That was so very bad moment to interrupt. Oh well, when did he care about interrupting people anyway.

"What do you want, John?" I asked him, slipping a piece of paper between my book's pages and closing it on my lap. I looked at him, carefully studying him as he leaned towards one of the poles holding up my tent. Hopefully he wouldn't give in too much or his weight might just make my tent collapse. I chuckled, too late to notice how confused the scarred man looked now. It was awkward, he didn't give me a reason for chuckling out loud. "I came to ask you something, Ben", answered John, lifting his right hand on his chin as he did so. His expression turned back to the-serious-John-Locke-expression. A slight smile escaped from my lips again, but this time I was able to fade it just as quickly as it appeared. "And what would it be this time?" I asked again, placing _The Misery_ on my little table. I looked at him over my glasses. John was quiet for a moment and he did that gesture he did every time he was unsure or about to say something I won't be happy about, he looked away from me, ran his look around my tent, covered his mouth with his hand for a little moment and then returned his blue eyes back at me. "I want you to take me see this Jacob." I looked at him, not blinking my eyes even once. I even noticed my mouth was left half open. I stood up from my chair, grapping my glasses as I did so. I didn't face the man in a while. What he asked was... impossible.

It was late evening the same day. Earlier John had made me promise to take him see Jacob. It would happen tomorrow, so I had the whole night time to get rid of him. After all, I couldn't take him to someone I had never seen before. It made me mad. But I knew what I was doing. When the sun had gone down behind the mountains and it was dark, my people made their way to the tents. It was when I took off from mine. I still needed my cane for walking. The wound in my back hurt time to time, I wonder if it was healing properly. Anyway, as I walked through the camp, it was my intention, and made it to the edge of the jungle, I stopped. It was dark and therefore safe to look around. The campfire was still on and I was sure I saw a shadow pass through the camp after me. I smirked.

It didn't take long before I got to a stream in the jungle. It was where we often stopped to rest and fill our drinking bottles. That was just what i did. I placed my cane towards a rock and kneeled down to fill my bottle. It was when I heard a rustle from the nearby bushes. I let out a chuckle. "You can come out, John", I said as I closed the cap of my bottle. "I know you are in there-" I was only able to stand back up and turn on my heels when it hit me. Suddenly I was laying on the rocky ground by the stream on my back under something heavy and smelly. It took a few seconds before I realised what happened. I looked at the attacker on top of me. A furry, drooling face was staring at me and growling madly. Two yellow round eyes following mine, staring right through my very soul. I could feel my heart beat like hell. I had only two options; one, I could just wait for the beast to finish me off and feast on my corpse or two, I could try and run for it. The second option sounded better at that moment, so I took my changes, hit the beast with the bottle. It's head was thrown back and when it did, I acted again, rolled on my stomach and crawled away from the cover of the beast's furry belly. 'I made it', i thought. Too early for any celebrations though, for it didn't take but one swipe of a paw and the scar in my back ached like nothing else I had felt before. The pain was too much to bear and it felt like spreading all over my body. I couldn't fight against it. My head was heavy, my eyes going blind and before I noticed, I was unconscious.

Was I dead for good this time? The answer was no. I woke up and found myself laying on the hard ground by the stream. What happened to the beast? I laid on my left side, so I started looking around. Nothing. I rolled on my back, but was forced to roll back with a groan. My back ached again. The I felt something touch my shoulder. I looked over it and saw John. There was something strange about him.. or his face, to be precise. Was it.. sadness? No, John Locke was never sad. We stared at each other for that precious little moment. For the first time his eyes didn't feel like poison, they were full of comfort. "John..?" I started. I noticed my voice came out like a little whimper. Embarrassing. John hushed to me and began: "Don't talk. That wound of yours looks pretty bad. Good thing I came when I did." I stared at him. I was very confused of all of this. I knew John followed me from the camp, but what happened to the beast? "John, what did you do?" John looked at me first, then he nodded towards my feet. I lifted myself on my elbows and looked. Something big and furry laid dead a few metres from us. I let out a deep sigh of relief. "No need to worry. It won't do anything bad for you anymore", said John and gave me a wide smile. I looked at him and managed to reply with a little smile. "Thank you." He leaned his head slightly to the left, his hand sliding from my shoulder to my hair which he stroked gently. "No thanks needed." He was still smiling at me. It tickled the bottom of my stomach which made me want to smile as well. Suddenly my urge to finish what I was about to do came back to my mind. I studied John and, for my good, noticed the knife he probably, judging by the blood, used to kill the beast hang from his belt. So I acted. Before he noticed I had grabbed the knife and got up on my knees. My back hurt like hell, but I couldn't let it bother. John leaned back a bit, his face filled with confusement. "You shouldn't have saved my life, John", I said, pointing the knife at him. "For I will take yours". Decisively I went at tha scarred man, about to stab the knife right through his chest, only to find my hand stop a few inches away from my goal. John had quicker reflexes than I though, he caught my hand just in time and because he was stronger than I, not to mention I was just wounded, it didn't take much from him to roll me on the ground on my back. I let out a yell. I bet he didn't care much about my wounds now. John leaned above me and for one moment our eyes were locked to each other. Then suddenly he leaned towards me, very close to me. I could feel his breath tickle my face and I was sure my heart skipped a beat or two. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see what was going to happen next. Afterwards I've been unsure if it was so.

John Locke pinned my hand, the one holding the knife, towards the ground and leaned closer, close enough to touch my lips with his own. I was paralyzed for it was **nothing** what I expected to happen. There he was, kissing me. I'm not sure what the hell was going on, but suddenly I didn't feel willing to kill him anymore. His warmth felt nice and his gentle kiss was simply stunning. My grip of the knife slowly loosened until the weapon dropped from my hand. John loosened his grip of my hand as well, so I took the chance and pulled my hand away from him, wrapping it as well as my free hand around the scarred man's back. I answered to his kiss to tell him I wanted it to go on. I guess he noticed it, because soon he moved completely above me and wrapped his strong arms around me, pulling me slightly off the ground. It was nice, his arms hurt much less than the ground. Soon I felt I had to catch some air, so I pulled my head away from him, facing down his chest, panting slightly. Without myself noticing, I let out a simple moan when John pulled me tightly against him. His left hand caressing my back and right hand running up my spine to my messy hair. The sensation was something I had never felt before. Only a few moments ago I wanted John Locke dead and now I'd never want him to leave me. I leaned my head towards his chest and felt his heart beat.. quite fast. I was embarrassed and this was very, very awkward. I was sure I was blushing.

"John-!" His name escaped from my lips when he nipped my neck. I felt him chuckle quietly. His warm breath made cold shivers run up my spine, I liked it. Soon I found myself moan and groan out loud as John worked gently on my neck, kissing and nipping. Then he ran his lips up to my ear and whispered to me: "I don't know what you think, but I like seeing you surrender to me." I felt a sudden urge to punch him in the face to show I am not what he thinks. Too late, he pinned my whole body towards the ground, hard enough to make me cry out his name from the pain it caused to my open wounds. He only chuckled and smiled widely. "Wh-why are you laughing?" I asked. I felt miserable. He pressed another kiss on my lips before he answered: "I like how you call my name when I hurt you, Ben." I have to admit, I was slightly scared at that moment. "Please John, let me go." I could tell from the look on his face he wasn't going to do that. Instead he started unbutton my shirt and when he was done, he went down and licked my belly. Moans escaped from my lips again. Why did I enjoy it? Without saying a word, John's hands ran up and down my hips and waist. Game over. And I lost.

John had come back up and drowned me yet to another passionate kiss as his rough hands danced all around my fragile body. I couldn't stop my hips from thrusting against his as he did so. Even if I really enjoyed all of it, I hated the idea how he must have been so happy about himself for being able to push me around the way he wanted... or was he? I opened my legs for him, I guess it excited him even more for a few seconds later his left hand made its way around my backside and right hand around my back and now he held my whole body towards his. Darn, my evil plan was ruined. No matter, I always had a new one. I pulld away from the kiss that had gone on for a long while now. Both of us panting, I took my right hand on John's cheek, our eyes locked together once again. He smiled. I gave a smile back, if only he knew what I was thinking. He was still holding me tightly against himself, meaning his both hands were taken. I took my hands around his neck and back and started kissing his cheek and neck. A few silent moans escaped his lips as I did so. One point for me! While I was playing with him, I felt his grip of me loosen bit by bit. When I had continued teasing him, and listened his soft moaning to my ear, long enough, I took a hold of his shoulders and kicked him lightly to his side and ta-dah! John Locke laid under me and I was sitting on top of him. He looked surprised and I answered with a smirk. "So, Ben, you want to play it the hard way?" he said. He took a tight hold of my wrist and pulled me down to lay on top of him. I felt the whole of John's body under me and it felt nice. I was afraid John would feel my heartbeat. He looked at me and said with a smile; "If this is how you want it, show me what you can do." That's what I wanted to hear. **I** was the leader. I answered with a smirk and 'alright, John'. I noticed John surrendered to me completely and I was going to take advantage of it. With care I slipped my hand under John's shirt. The whole situation was new to me and I noticed my hands were slightly shaking. John must have noticed it too, because a moment later he moved his hand on my cheek and from there to my hair, brushing softly. He smiled again and it made me relax. I went down to kiss him. I whimpered as I felt his other hand wander on my back and I could tell he was enjoying that. Soon everything else around us was gone and there were only the two of us. As our kiss deepened I placed both my hands on John's cheeks, holding him close to me.

"John-?" I startled, parting with him. John was working on my trousers, in fact, I'm not too sure how long he had already been doing that for now he was pulling them down. John leaned to whisper in my ear; "It's alright. I won't hurt you." I guess I had to believe that. I let him finish what he was doing, letting out soft moans everytime he, more or less, accidentally touched the right places. I bet it was no accident, now that I think of it. "Ben", started John. I was looking deep in his blue eyes, not sure was I more scared or excited at the moment. "Yes?" I answered, the silence was awkward. "I need you to lift yourself a bit now", John finished with a gentle smile. I was sure my heart was skipping a thousand beats and jumping to my throat. I returned a smile, not wanting to show my fear, John was so calm. I sighed a bit, my breath was shaking, and did what John asked, lifted myself above him with the strength of my arms. My eyes closed, I was waiting for something to happen. I felt a warm touch on my cheek and heard John's voice; "Relax, Benjamin, it will be fine." I nodded. I didn't see anything, but I felt John's hands run down to my hips. Next thing he did was to push me down, I refused at first, but when I felt a soft kiss on my lips, I was able to relax. A deep whimperish moan with John's name escaped my lips as I felt him inside me. John was holding firmly my hips, lifting my body up and down and everytime he pushed me back down, he thrust at me with his hips. "John, it- it hurts", I couldn't help it, it really hurt. John stopped lifting me, he hushed and took his right hand on my cheek, left hand still holding my hip. "It's okay, just relax. It won't hurt if you can relax." I looked at him, a single tear ran down my cheek. John looked troubled for a moment, then he wiped the tear away and leaned to kiss me again. I couldn't say I didn't want it, it just hurt me, a lot. I kissed him back and noticed while we were at it, he slid his hand from my cheek back to my hip and started again, this time much slower. I had to break the kiss because of the need to let out moans and whimpers. I focused my mind on the pleasure it was causing, trying to forget the pain. It worked. A few minutes later it didn't hurt anymore at all, I just wanted it to go on. "John..", I started. Also John let out soft and silent moans, it amused me. "You feel.. really nice." I heard John chuckle in between his moans. He started working faster and faster and soon I answered with thrusting myself at him harder. It caused me to moan loud and deep. "I-I feel strange... I think I.. cannot hold on much.. longer", I had to tell him. John didn't slow down, seemingly he was getting enough as well. "Then let it go, Ben", was all he said. What could I do? He kept thrusting against me fast and hard and it didn't take long before I felt a mindblowing pleasure. "John, stop!" Now it really hurt, no part of my body was able to take any more. A few thrusts more and he stopped with a deep moan. We were both panting and tired. I looked at him. "I'm sorry.. I ruined your shirt." John just chuckled, i guess it didn't matter to him one bit. He placed his hand on the back of my head, pulled me down to kiss him. The kiss was quite hard to manage, but who cares. I felt a gentle touch on my back, caressing my wounds. It didn't hurt anymore.


End file.
